It matters. But does it MATTER?

I’m starting this new wave of blogging with one of the most vital points of all when it comes to style.  The point being that while something may matter to you, it may not MATTER in the grand scheme of things.

For example, you need a pair of shoes for the office.  You might want that sumptuous, gleaming pair of Church’s shoes but all you can afford is a pair of anonymous black Oxfords from George.  Perhaps you’ve recently become attuned to the ways of men’s style, and whereas before your ‘awakening’ you wouldn’t think twice about dropping some brass on the bargain bucket of footwear, now you hesitate.  What will your colleagues think when you roll into the office in your boxy lace-ups?

In short, the idea of having a cheap pair of shoes matters to you.  But it doesn’t MATTER.

In other words, there are clothes you need and clothes that are nice to have.  For example, to fit in with the office dress code (so you don’t get sent home, and can therefore stick around to do some work), you typically need a dress shirt, a pair of suit trousers, a pair of shoes and maybe a tie.  It MATTERS in that case that you have those items.  It might matter to you if you’ve got them from Primark and not Polo Ralph Lauren, but it doesn’t MATTER.  That £6 polyester shirt, £10 pair of pants, £3 tie and £10 pair of shoes will still get you in through the door.  If they fit you reasonably well, you’ve got the shirt tucked in and ironed, you’re wearing the tie at the right length and the shoes are polished, no one will think of you as a tramp.

What’s more, the chances are that in the vast majority of places, not only will people not care, most won’t even notice.

It’s like the case with the shoes; it might matter to you that you don’t have the pair of shoes you covet but all that MATTERS is that you have a pair of shoes to protect your feet from the elements and the ground underfoot.

Beyond the clothing that you NEED, anything else is not a priority and can wait for later.  Don’t worry about what people are going to think about your cheap threads.  

Rules of the Game #1: Sometimes, Always, Never

The code of three-button suit jackets and blazers

Well.

It's surprising to me how quickly my opinion of whether something is stylish or not can change.  As I learn more and more about men's style and the 'rules' of the game, things that I never even noticed before either bug me or impress me - that is, I have an opinion on style matters I didn't before.  How else could I explain the short-sleeved shirts (I'll be covering these later) and black trousers I wore to work every day, happily oblivious?

My opinion on three-button suits is a case in point.  I used to favour two-button jackets because I thought three-buttoned ones were stuffy and conservative.  I favour a long V down the front and a two-button jacket gives you this.  When a three-button jacket has its top two buttons fastened, the V isn't as long and the whole look changes.  And so this is why I swore my navy three-buttoned jacket would be an only child in my wardrobe, doomed to spend its life envying its more dynamic two-buttoned siblings.

About to deal in sombre matters.

But that was because I thought the rule regarding three-buttoned suits was that you always did the top two buttons up.  I wasn't thinking outside the box.  I was bound to the unmoveable anvil of the rules (well, not quite).

Then I discovered that the rule is actually 'Sometimes, Always, Never' when looking down your chest.  Basically, you always leave the bottom button undone, you always fasten the middle button (because it's the waist button) and whether you do up the top button is down to however you're feeling at the time.

This V will elongate into a more pleasing one.

I pulled my three-button jacket out of its therapy session, fastened only the middle button and was immediately struck by how much better it looked.  I had my long V.  And I liked having the top button there, undone, as a quirky little feature.  So taken was I by this effect that I will probably make all my future suit jackets three-button where possible.  I have the choice of leaving the top button undone, as I probably will most of the time, but I can do it up if I want to look smarter than usual.

The lesson to learn is: always do up the middle button, but see how you feel about the top button.  The bottom button, as always, is for heathens only.

Temper, Temper

How ‘busy’ shirts can be compared to the Japanese pufferfish

Fugu, the poisonous pufferfish, is one of the legends of Japanese cuisine.  This innocuous-looking fish packs a toxin that paralyses anyone who ingests it whilst simultaneously asphyxiating them, leaving them fully conscious as they suffocate to death.  There is no known antidote.  Only a specially licensed chef, who has undergone years of rigorous training, is able to prepare the fish in such a way that the toxin is safely removed without contaminating the edible parts.  This is a bit of a faff, of course, and the only reason why the Japanese are willing to endure the process is because fugu is quite the delicacy.

I’m illustrating this fascinating snippet here rather than in the National Geographic to make a point about shirts with ‘busy’ patterns – namely, that something potentially toxic and horrifying like the fugu can be made safe and even quite pleasant.  But rather than training for three years (seriously) to render such shirts safe, I will teach you how to do so in three minutes (approximately) through a process I call ‘tempering’.

The shirts I’m referring to are not necessarily loud, but they have a pattern of small pieces that confuse the eye, throwing it off so that it doesn’t know where to look.  This breaks up your outline, which is not what you want.  Patterns like clearly defined stripes have no such problems: following the lines of the shirt, the eye can make sense of them.  This blue paisley shirt below, from Ben Sherman, is an example of what I mean.  And before you shout, “I can see his outline perfectly well from here!” consider the shirt in normal, detailed surroundings.  Imagine this man disappearing into the background at a party, like some static-wearing ninja.

Subtle.

What you need to do is cover most of it up, either by donning a jacket or a waistcoat.  I normally wear waistcoats buttoned up, but with shirts like this I leave it open and wear a skinny black tie (either wool or silk will work well) knotted loosely, with an open collar.  The parts left showing are going to really pop but what you’re wearing over it will stop the pattern from becoming too much and maintain your silhouette.

And when you temper a shirt like this, you need to keep everything else dark and plain.  That means no pocket square if you’re wearing a jacket, no flashy accessories and no torn jeans.  Anything that stands out will be fighting with the shirt for attention.  Your jacket or waistcoat should be charcoal or navy, your jeans (if you’re wearing them) should be indigo and conspicuous, and your shoes should be dark and unremarkable.

Finally, and I really shouldn’t have to say this, but shirts like this will look a lot better with the sleeves rolled up.